beginning to look a lot like..

I refuse to let another day pass without blogging. I've got to have something to say, right?

So here I sit in my cozy black recliner, laptop on.. laptop, headphones securely in ears, The Cure's homesick playing just as loud and beautiful as can be. My tater tot is staying with his grandma tonight, so hubby and I had an evening to ourselves consisting largely of strolling Target's toy aisles. Santa's shopping mission: complete.
Shew.

Christmas is so stressful.

And the obligatory family gatherings, I won't even get started on that.

Not that much can beat that, but the most frustrating factor is funding. I don't have extra cash to spend the other 364 days of the year, so for what reason would I magically have the extra cash for Christmas time? It's baffling. So we sit and plan and scrape and figure out ways to manage, to spread our money as thin as a silk thread - all in the name of December 25th.
Any other meaning is and has been, sort of lost.
Who am I to bitch, though? I've already spent over $120 on my 22-month old and November isn't over yet. But.. it's fun when they're little, I say. I love the excitement. But do I want my son associating the holidays with big ticket items, hence money? Gifts, I want-I want, presents, selfishness? Where's the life lesson in that? And how to integrate it? I worry all the time over instilling the important things in him. I want to him to grow into a compassionate, grateful, giving human being. (only to be thrown into a world that will let him down and people who will make him cry! .. ahem, sorry. inner pessimist)
I can't raise him not to look forward to Christmas for reasons like toys and candy, either. It's everywhere. What's a mom to do?
Someone special once gave me a printed quote by an unknown source which still hangs on my fridge - "There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one." So I'll do what I can and be a good one.

See how easily I can overanalyze a holiday and associate it with possible parenting gone wrong? I'm good, I tell you.

And we haven't even gotten through Thanksgiving yet. Bring on the turkey, I'm ready. Nothing I can obsess over teaching my tater tot wrong on Turkey Day, right? Cranberry sauce is good, gravy is good, stuffing is good...

All we can really do is keep the few wonderful people in our inner circles, breathe, and by God- listen to good music.