twenty seven

I've been thinking a lot lately about how close I am getting to thirty. I know, thirty is by no means 'old'. I'm really not so much dreading it as I am just in disbelief that I'm almost 3/4 of the way there. I thought I would just stay twenty-six forever. This age just has seemed to kind of .. stick in a strange way.

As soon as I had my son, time started moving at lightening speed. I make my own schedule at work every Tuesday, and I continue to be astounded how quickly the weeks pass. Week ending the 3rd, week ending the 10th, week ending the 17th, and so forth, then the month is poof - gone! Where does it run off to? Do the days all gather up in a meeting place somewhere at the ends of the Earth and trot off to the sea when the month is up? Come back here.

Then I start to ponder what I have accomplished. Anything in particular? Even if I didn't become a professional photographer this month, I know I got lots of practice snapping pictures of my son's many expressions and grey skies when I went on walks. That's what it's really about, after all. What little things are you doing that really add up even though you may not think so? My therapist (who is quite amazing, might I add) reminds me to be aware. Aware of the colors of the flowers you're passing as you walk into a building, the way your hair feels when it blows in the wind, the cute squirrel you dodged on your way to work (score! you saved his little life just then). I think I agree with her. I'm no pro, I struggle with being aware and appreciating things on a daily, even hourly basis. But I'm trying.

Now, where was I going with this? Oh yes, thirty. I have this mental image of my turning thirty being a spiritual, emotional, all-powerful awakening of sorts. Maybe the clock will strike on my proper birthday and sparkling flower petals will fall from the sky, all around me and I'll rejoice and turn in circles.

Somehow, I'm not counting on that. But isn't it true in many women that confidence and contentment come with your thirties? I sure hope so. My twenties have been quite the experience, let me tell you. And for lessons learned and battles fought, I am thankful. It seems like my internal clock is just winding down, saying something like "alright now girlfriend, we've done our dues of emotional havoc, let's settle into the idea of turning thirty"
And maybe it's all a mind thing.. Let's just say I'm very aware of my rounding the last corner of my twenties, and I'm okay with that.