body talk

An excerpt that struck a cord with me, from a book I'm currently reading, Golden Wizdom: Beyond the Emerald City.

"I want this pain to stop!" I cried out one day.
Much to my surprise, my body responded, "Well, I finally got your attention. Do you know that I have been calling to you in many ways over the years? You wouldn't listen. In fact, you pretended not to hear. For years you have denied your feelings. You have discounted the connection between your mind, body, and spirit."
"Hey, it's a package deal! This is a partnership and we're either all working together or not. You've been working against harmony of your whole self for a long time. It seems you needed to push yourself and me to a point of disease before you would pay attention."
"The road back to harmony within me, your body, is to listen and respond each step of the way. Feelings are the avenue of communication. When your back hurts, it's calling out. Ask what it needs and how you can support it."
"Your physical and emotional feelings are the clues to what needs tending. Allow yourself to feel and express your feelings. Learn to develop a relationship whith all parts of yourself so you know what's going on within your being."
"When one part of us isn't working, the whole of us is affected. Welcome back home. You are invited to reconnect with all parts of your precious body, to honor and respond to your feelings, and to listen and respond with the trust of your heart."

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thoughts I thought today

I was really productive today at work. I was surprised, not that I was productive but that I wanted to be and felt accomplished for corrected fifty-something price discrepancies after auditing the drug/gm department. Better me then the holier than thou head honchos who come in and act like they are God when they find errors and talk down to you about it. Pssh.

I had a lot of time to think. Thinking and working, now that's what I call being productive. Multi-tasking has always been a specialty.

Anyway, I was thinking about how music was and has always been my way to escape into my head, get away from the stress-causing stimuli around me. I find myself, even at work, doing this. When something like Pink Floyd, Skynyrd, Fleetwood Mac, Ozzy, or anyone else remotely enthralling pops onto the work radio, I find myself drifting away, singing along to every word, floating aimlessly in my own world. I become oblivious to the beep-beeps of my scanning gun - yet I still get my job done competently. The music is just in my lungs, brainwaves, perhaps bloodstream, helping to move me along the work load.

I was also thinking back to when I was a teenager, paining my nails and listening to Bush's Sixteen Stone. It was my favorite CD for months, I couldn't take it out of my player. I'm surprised I didn't wear my stereo right out when I was a teenager. All I did was listen to CD's and paint my nails, read and write.
I had shoe boxes full of nail polish, it was a fetish. I had every box lid painted, in -ha! .. nail polish "Heather's Nail Polish" I had to be a sight, jamming to Gavin Rossdale's sexy-as-hell vocals, banging my head ....everything zen everything zen I don't think so... I wanted to marry that guy. I still secretly kind of hate Gwen Stefani for stealing my husband.

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result

And.... presto! My very own burnt sugar cake. It tastes like caramel and pralines. Delicious.
I have to say it turned out really well, I was proud. I felt like a Food Network star in her own element, whipping up egg whites and heavy cream, vanilla, sugars of all sorts.
No wonder my son gets all hyped up after he eats birthday cake! I got to see first-hand what goes into the frosting- sugar, sugar, and then finally, some more sugar.

Just as a side note, I got the other things on my productivity list tackled. My nails are ruby red and my cans are a'collecting.

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making myself useful

A few things I plan to either do, or start today in order to feel refreshed or productive..

• Begin recycling. I've always said "I'm going to start" but today's the day. I'm bringing in a storage bin to sit in my pantry, and in will go all of our cans. As far as paper? I need to look further into that. I need to educate myself on the recycling measures in my area.
• Paint my fingernails 'racing rubies red' - a new color I bought this morning. It'll be a sort of self-expression to start out the week.
• Bake a 'Burnt Sugar Cake'.

After going through old cook books this weekend with my mother in law, I found a caramel frosted cake similar to one that my husband had years ago at a work function. He fell in love with it. I believe this is the cake, but it may even be tastier, from the looks of it. This will be my first made-from-scratch cake, ever. I'll post pictures of it later. Cross your fingers for me, as I'm playing Betty Crocker today.

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Cloverfield

Me and my hubby had a date night last night, and went to see Cloverfield. My husband has been anticipating this movie since seeing a snippet of a vague preview, and last night he finally got his fix of the thing he's been obsessing over for weeks. You've just got to love him and his fixations.

The film was really well-done. It was intense and shot in first-person, a way that really put you inside of the camera man's experiences. It was unique in that you only saw the monster when the characters saw the monster. You didn't see the normal movie view as in Alien or Godzilla and the like. While I kind of wanted to see it in more detail in some shots, I was admiring of the way it was done. I am not and never have been one for 'monster movies', but this one had a spice I liked and it actually kept me pretty tense the whole time.

Thankfully, the seat right next to me stayed empty. *sigh of relief* I absolutely hate when a stranger sits RIGHT next to me at the movie theater. Ha.
We arrived 30 minutes in advance to get a good seat. Well, by that time a freaking line was already formed inside the theater about a mile long. So, we didn't get "our" row of four or so seats with all the leg room for our giant selves, but our seats were alright. Thank goodness for big theaters.

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What is going on around you right now?

Well, what better time to use to write than at 3:20 am on my day off while my son decides he should be up .. going on two hours now? He hasn't done this since he was a newborn. What the hell?

So I used the imagination prompt generator, a nice tool I so graciously learned of from the stifled artist.

Right now, I am sitting at the kitchen table with old eyeliner under my eyes and a diet 7up by my side.

My TV plays in a hushed tone, some sort of Yu-gi-oh'ish cartoon. The lighting in the living room - a stream of television light flashing in a dark room, makes me all the more lethargic.

My son is floundering about my kitchen (let me remind you, at 3:25 am) playing with a roll of birthday wrapping paper, five plastic toddler spoons, and his magnetic fridge letters. He is arranging the spoons in a color pattern, which impresses me to a great extent. Maybe he's a pattern genius and his best time to work is during the wee hours of the morning and he's getting some serious agenda completed. If that were the case, it's not as if his 2 year old vocabulary would be able to articulate it so well at the moment.

My husband is wrapped up in bed, snoring his happy ass off. Too bad (or not) that I'm the one off work this morning, and he gets to sleep instead of being dragged into the living room by a tiny set of fingers. Held hostage in the kitchen by a mini-us.

"ma-ma, da-da" he mutters, while he sticks the long end of the toddler spoon through the holes of the baby gate.

This is going to be a long morning.
Thank God for my black walls when the sun comes out and he finally decides (I hope) to sleep.

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Why, oh why don't I update my blog?

I need not make excuses as to why I can't write. Because I should write, I have a million thoughts flowing through my head every day, surely I can catch a couple of them by the tail and just WRITE about something. Even if it's about.. oh, I don't know - how bad my coffee was this morning.

So here's to a better blogging future.

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song slash drivel from pen to paper in my car, music blasting.

la la la la la
hang your denial out to dry
while the sun passes, your lies sigh
la la la la la
how many days of your confessions
could take away my regression
la la la la la
I can only imagine what messes
are waiting in my muck of dirty dresses
la la la la la
drive into the fog blind to the creatures trampling by
they're lurking just for you, invisible so they cry
la la la la la la
the joke's on the wise guy and the audience left you
standing on stage stuck to the floor like glue
la la la la la
clothesline heavy with lily white laundry
instead the blood's on the ground, harvesting the fine line of blasphemy
la la la la la
the seedlings always reject this soil
kill the earth with fire, and no need to recoil
la la la la la
wise man, the end is much sooner than you know
did you not know you reap what you sow?

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so long, oh-seven

Let's see how much I can whip up in 3 minutes, so that this will technically be my last post of the year.

What with all of the gunshot-esque firecrackers busting up my neighborhood, it's a bit hard to concentrate on anything lengthy!

I'm not putting all kinds of New Years Resolution pressures on myself this go-round. I think I got a little head start in taking better care of myself the latter part of this year. That's my main focus anyway, happiness. Taking things slow, giving myself a break, feeling sane and healthy. What more can I ask for?

11:59pm.... Happy New Year.

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