ch-cha-cha-changes

I'm making today the day that I look into school extensively. I'm going to do the cosmetology program at the technical college. I will have to get details and do the dirty work (look into grants/loans.. ugh! can't express my anxiety about that enough). And I will have to map out a plan of action.

The change scares the crap out of me. As it is, I don't have much me-time.. but when I start school I will be SUPER pressed for time. But I have to remember there will be a light at the end and that it's what I want to do long-term. I'm cut out for being a hairstylist/colorist. I feel it in my blood.

I am very comfy with my current job, though, I have to say. They've worked with my schedule and been good to me. I have amazing benefits. I get paid very well (which is another worry for post-school -- will I make enough money??). BUT - ultimately, I know that I want to do something creative and in my wavelength, something more rewarding on a personal level, and more "Me".


So I just have to make take all of the steps in order to get what I want in the end.
It's going to be an interesting journey. And scary.

Also, my mother in law is talking about retiring at the end of this school year, so that would free her up to help us with Drake after-school and such if it were needed if I'm in school, etc.

Can't say how scary this idea is. but also exciting.
Nothing worth doing is easy as someone once said. It is true.

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So much for that

This morning, I've been reading all sorts of cool DIY blogs full of beauty & creativity. Will I one day have the time to be so free with my hands and ideas? I sure do hope so.
It's kind of depressing how little time I have to be creative.. It's gonna change, it's gotta change.

In other fun, time-consuming, adult news -- my car has been overheating. So me and hubby are dropping it off today at the shop. Fun times.. how much you wanna bet most of my tax refund will be going to fixing my car and will be mostly gone in the next couple of days? Wait --- maybe now's not the wisest time to bet.

I am planning a little 2-night stay in Savannah coming up soon when I take my week's vacation from work. My good friend lives there and has promised us free room & board for our little getaway. I plan to be very free and full of chill and taking pictures and loving my surroundings while I'm in Savannah. It's such an inspiring place to be. I'd love to live there, actually.

Inventory at work is Thursday. I always become a ball of anxiety and worry around this time.. as if my scan percentage defines my whole being. I just giggled, that's a good sign.

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stream of conscious ... or unconscious

Right now, I am crashing.
Crash
c r a s h
c r a s h ...

This is what happens when you must wake up at 3am in order to be to work at 4am. Then come home and care for your vivacious 4 year old for 9 hours, with no nap included.
It's a jungle out here.

It's been a nice evening, though. One on one with the kid, one on one with me while my little man played his game.. it's been good.

This past Monday during my therapy session, my therapist asked; "when was the last time you were 'good' (enjoyed myself, relaxed, peaceful) with yourself?"
I repeatedly answered, maybe 3 times, but all of my answers included being with others.
So she'd reiterate the question "just you, Heather, alone?"
I couldn't answer her. I couldn't remember the last time I had peace while all alone. I sometimes make for bad company. If I have stimulation, it's one thing. If I'm out shopping, looking at books, having a smoke outside, I can manage fine. But if I'm alone in an empty house, I tend to start sliding downhill.
Well, tonight I'm recognizing that I enjoyed myself in a large, empty living room for a solid hour. I surfed the web, listening to music, and uploaded photos of my son.

We have to account for these things. Awareness.

I've got to work on this. Self-love, hope, fulfillment, joy, peace.

It's February already. The month of love?
Where does time go? It's amazing. 2010, really? I remember when partying like it's 1999 seemed really far away.

I am so .. so sleepy.

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