a weekend fit for a free-spirited queen

I was in Savannah, GA this past weekend. I vow that this city has a magic to it. I feel like I fit there, as if that's the place that would solve any of that discontentment that settles into my brain from time to time. My puzzle piece. The streets, the buildings, trees, the character that seeps out of every window and door downtown.. the sound of the branches, birds, swoosh of cars going past.. it makes for a gorgeous melody.

Going the weekend before St. Patrick's Day was interesting. Savannah celebrates this holiday beginning weeks in advance. Everything was green - building lights, water fountains, beer. The streets were packed at night with party-goers in their green circus wigs, face paint, hair, shoes. Very cool to experience. Cabs had TWO hour waits, so Saturday night we ended up calling someone we knew to come and give us a quick ride home. Amazing, I tell you.

My hubby and I went childless, which was a huge plus. Don't get me wrong, I love my son more than life and he IS my heart, but as a parent you just need need need these times away. Fortunately, my dear old friend took us into her home for the weekend and we had a fabulous stay. We were about 5 minutes from downtown and stayed gone for most of the trip save for potstickers at 4am, Scattergories on the couch, and a few early morning, hungover bed conversations.

On Saturday, we had waffles and coffee, then drove out to the beach to hang out for a while. It's always therapeutic to see the ocean.
I had a beautiful time.

Also, to my delight, I discovered a band - Dead Confederate. They hail from Athens, GA and have a familiar feel that makes my soul happy, but are original at the same time. I stayed stage-front at The Jinx their entire set. As a matter of fact, as I type this, I am downloading their albums. I am psyched.

There is nothing else in this world like traveling. The new experiences, having no set schedule, and laughing and loving with no cares. I'm so thankful for my weekend of peace.

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So much for that

This morning, I've been reading all sorts of cool DIY blogs full of beauty & creativity. Will I one day have the time to be so free with my hands and ideas? I sure do hope so.
It's kind of depressing how little time I have to be creative.. It's gonna change, it's gotta change.

In other fun, time-consuming, adult news -- my car has been overheating. So me and hubby are dropping it off today at the shop. Fun times.. how much you wanna bet most of my tax refund will be going to fixing my car and will be mostly gone in the next couple of days? Wait --- maybe now's not the wisest time to bet.

I am planning a little 2-night stay in Savannah coming up soon when I take my week's vacation from work. My good friend lives there and has promised us free room & board for our little getaway. I plan to be very free and full of chill and taking pictures and loving my surroundings while I'm in Savannah. It's such an inspiring place to be. I'd love to live there, actually.

Inventory at work is Thursday. I always become a ball of anxiety and worry around this time.. as if my scan percentage defines my whole being. I just giggled, that's a good sign.

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happy new year.

how bout getting off these antibiotics
how bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how bout them transparent dangling carrots
how bout that ever elusive kudo

thank you India
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

how bout me not blaming you for everything
how bout me enjoying the moment for once
how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how bout grieving it all one at a time

thank you India
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

the moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down

how bout no longer being masochistic
how bout remembering your divinity
how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how bout not equating death with stopping

thank you India
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence

These lyrics have always been so powerful for me. One of the songs I'd love to give Alanis a huge hug for. It brings such clarity and logic, just gives a feel-good- I'm-good-enough vibe.
Reminds me that I'm capable, being happy is good, feeling better is best.

Torturing myself gets me nowhere. It's running in place.

I'm so not one to be all "new year, new start" I feel that resolutions are a backwards self-fulfilling prophecy for me. Like I'm destined to screw them up. So I'm not really making any.

Instead, I'm going to touch on milestones of 2008, do some inner refection in the coming days and months, and just try to be content.
I need to treat me good. I need to see myself in a healthy light where it all feels real and possible.
Health and feeling good and loving myself is not impossible. I'm not getting any younger.
I turn 28 next week.

In 2008:
- Firstly, I have watched my son grow and learn in leaps and bounds and it just astonishes me daily. I've sacrificed, lost sleep, but I've also been able to teach. I've been a good teacher and a good mommy. I've helped make my Drake what he is. I'm molding him.. and he's such a great little guy! So full of character and imagination. I must be doing a few things right.

- I've built a better relationship with my 2-years new unit manager at work whom I never saw me getting along with real well. He's complimented me on my work and I've felt like things are good. He does recognize that I'm a hard worker.

- I traveled ALONE for the first time in my life. Navigated 2 very large airports, got through it like a charm. I saw Chicago from the sky and the ground. I met an amazing lady and the time I spent with her and her family, I'll cherish forever. I funded a trip with my own money and made my own plans.

- I joined an Eating Disorders Support Group and have been going semi-regularly when time and my body will allow me. I've opened up to a few complete strangers all out of hope for something better, something to help me and other women. I've shared and helped women feel less alone.

- I wrote a letter to my dad and was completely honest in letting him know that he's in no way allowed into my life. I put it in physical print and that is such a feat. It took me years to do it. And this past Christmas was the time that must have been right. I did it, and I couldn't feel more liberated. As a friend mentioned to me, little Heather is rejoicing. And she is.. and I'm allowing her so much love and compassion. You're welcome, Little Me.

Happy New Year, friends.

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I'm leavin... on a jet plane...

I'm flying to Chicago/Indiana tomorrow morning to visit my rad friend.

Here's to a much-needed trip and vacation!

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face paint, waterfalls, oh my.

I had such a fabulous weekend. My husband and I went to the Renaissance Fair on Saturday while my mother-in-law so kindly watched the baby. The weather couldn't have been friendlier - sunshine and slight breezes. I had my face painted with fantasy swirls to match my necklace and tank top. We shared a sundae, saw pirates, rode in ship swing buckets and laughed.
On our drive home, we stopped off at High Falls for a few pictures since it was getting late and the park would close soon. But it was enough to steal a few hugs and take in the sheer beauty of the green grass, evening wind and calming sound of a rushing waterfall.
I'm totally thankful for my weekend off work, I need to plan more of these. I feel revitalized.

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vacations end and spring feels like summer

I had a nice, long seven-day vacation from work last week. I never wanted it to end. Me and my hubby fantasized about being without jobs for the rest of our lives, living on love, movies, video games, and good beer-- having hobbies like lounging by the baby pool, getting magnificent coffee drinks each morning, eyeballing random reading material, baking brownies, and blowing bubbles. Ah- that's the life, I tell you.
Then reality set in, seven days passed, and we had to head back to work.

So I guess now we'll go and make the money to buy our brownies, bubbles, and the like.

I had a wonderful, much-need vacation to say the least. We spent three days in Savannah/Tybee Island. It was a great getaway, and very cool minus the sporadic two-year old tantrums, the fork-throwing incident at The Breakfast Club, and my time being stolen away from me on River Street, but hey.. he's two, he's a needy little whiny ass sometimes and there will be other trips. There will be childless vacations in the future! That's what got me through the agony of not being able to browse my favorite market place that first day.. sigh.

For the past few days, it has proven to be a typical hot Georgia spring - low 80's. I've been taking my little vacation-damper outside.. (joking! he made vacation fun and enthralling!) in the backyard and turning on the sprinkler, filling up the baby pool, and lounging in my chair, chilling.. feeling the breeze and hearing the birds chirp. Every now and then, he'll jump onto my tummy, rest his head on my chest and I'll tell him stories about Suzie the doggy. He listens intently and nods.
Life can be so sweet.

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